A week ago Monday, I get back from three days, two-and-a-half days, in the Dominican Republic, and most of the time spent touring cigar factories and cigar farms. I had this bottle of cialis in my briefcase. I've had it in there since December. I forgot it was even in there. There were 30 pills prescribed, and when they counted them out, there were 29 -- and yet, everybody thinks I loaded up on the stuff for a trip to the Dominican Republic, and that's what everybody was saying. "Wow, what went on in the Dominican Republic? Oh! (muttering)." In fact, when I cleared Customs there was this... I'm going to be very restrained in describing the agent but... I'll save that for another time. Anyway, I pointed out I have a briefcase that's got many different zippers. It's not a top that closes over a bottom. It's this thing that stands up; it's got side pockets and all that, and I opened the primary compartment where most of the things in the briefcase are, just to be cooperative, and she reaches in there, pulls out this bottle, says, "What have we here?" There are twenty-five people in the room. "What have we here? Viagra!" she shouts, "and look, it's not your name on the bottle! This is a crime! This is a violation of law!"
She's shouting this all over the Customs Office, and the whole room has come to a dead stop, and she races behind some closed door to her supervisor. The supervisor comes out and asks, "How many other prescriptions do you have, sir?"
"I've got two."
"They have your name on it?"
"What are they?"
"Look at 'em."
He said, "Well, what's this?"
I said, "I had an intestinal blockage in December. They're for
"Oh. How much cash are you carrying?" I started to pull my cash out.
He said, "I don't care to see it, just tell me."
I said, "Less than $1,500."
"Okay." I had a little white bag of things and he opened it.
I said, "Those are cuff links and golf balls from President Bush. I had lunch with him last Friday in the White House and dinner with your boss, Secretary Chertoff, the night before at the Supreme Court."
"Well, sir, I have to tell you that this is a violation of law, and we have called authorities in Miami and blah, blah," and they detained me for three or four hours and whatever it was, and actually it was the state attorney's office here that ended the whole thing by sending some sheriff deputies over and finally getting a statement from me and taking the case under their jurisdiction, and they today said there's no crime here, and they've announced it but the media is still reporting all over the place all the effects of the deal that could have been thwarted had this been prosecuted and regurgitating facts that were not part of this story at all.
I had some friends with me, and they were standing aside. This actually started this way. When you come into Customs in Palm Beach on a private airplane, this is one of the few Customs offices that I've ever dealt with -- and they know you're coming, by the way, because you have to give them your passport name and ID, passport number, date of birth and all sort of stuff of all the passengers on the airplane a week before you depart. So there's an inbound list and they know who's coming in that day. It's required by law. So somebody in there knew I was coming in, and from what I was told from people that were there during the time I was there, mine was the only luggage that was searched.
In fact, they didn't search the luggage. They just searched my briefcase and the little white bag, and they made me open my computer. But they bring all the bags off of the airplane. I had four guys with me, and they were going on to Miami. I was going to put 'em on the airplane to take them to Miami to catch a commercial flight to Los Angeles. So we get in the Customs office, get my stamp on the passport as having reentered the country and I start helping the luggage guys distinguish my luggage from all the others, because they've mixed it. They've got three carts, so I want my luggage on one cart since I am leaving, and the other four guys' luggage on other carts that go straight out to the airplane and I'm over there helping, and this agent says, "What are you doing? This is Customs! You haven't been cleared," and I smiled.
I said, "I'm just trying to expedite my friends getting outta here when we finish because they're going to Miami." So I went over there and that's when this whole process started. So somebody in there had to be waiting. I think this was leaked before I got out of there. I think it was in the news before I actually was in the car on the way home. But anyway, there was never any "there" there. It is not illegal to possess Viagra. It's like saying it's illegal to possess Prilosec or some other non- controlled substance that's prescribed for things, like, what is Prilosec for? Antacid medicine or what have you. So that's it. I appreciate the call out there, Jeff, but it's over now.
A strong desire to see Limbaugh brought down artificially raised hopes, causing some to indulge in premature incarceration speculation. News accounts were inflated to ridiculous proportions, but the intensity could not be kept up and the Limbaugh-in-jail scenario the media erected has now come tumbling down.